What is old and ugly and can see just as well from both ends ?A witch with a blindfold !

Q: Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins? A: She couldn't figure out who the other mother was.

What do history teachers make when they want to get together ?Dates !

Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks. "I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket." Amazed, the driver asked for what. The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."

What do you get if you cross a monster with a flea?Lots of very worried dogs.

A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled.The farmer said, "That's once."A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again.The farmer said, "That's twice."After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again.The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.His brand new bride yelled, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do."The farmer said, "That's once."

Big Brother: That planet over there is Mars.Little Brother: Then that other one must be Pa's.

Why didn't the astronauts stay on the moon? Because it was a full moon and there was no room.

How can you make a moth ball ? Hit it with a fly swatter.

Did you hear about the blonde with tire marks on her back? She crawled across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".