There were these three brothers that were very close to each other. The brothers always went to a local bar on every Friday at 5:30 on the dot. When the brothers got married they all got married to their wifes to be on the same day and at the same place. When the brothers moved away from each other to go on with their lives with their new wife, they all promised each other that they would still go to the bar every friday at 5:30 and drink for each other. On the first Friday that the brothers were separated, the first brother went to a local bar and ordered three drinks. He took one sip from the first glass the took one sip from the second glass then from the third. He did this until all the beer was gone, then he paid the bartender and went home. This kept up for about three week before the bartender finally asked why he did that. The guy explained about the promise th at he had with his brothers. The bartender said that he thought that was a very good promise to keep with each other. One day the same guy came in and asked for only two glasses of beer. The bartender thinking something awful has happened, said "I am awfully sorry about your brother." The guy not knowing anything about what the bartender was talking about said "What happened to him?" The bartender said that when he only ordered two drinks instead of three he thought that something awful had happened. The brother then said "No, nothing happened to my brother, I just decided to give up alcohol."

Customer: I didn't order this.Waiter: I know, but your meal tastes worse.

True smart

What is black and white and red all over?A Dalmatian with a bad sunburn.

What's a ghosts favorite ride at the carnival?The roller ghosted.

What did King Kong say when he saw the Statue of Liberty?"Are you my mother?"

A pair of biologists are studying terns on a rock island just off the coast. While walking on a distant part of the island, they are shot at by a group of thugs operating a pot farm. This happens several times and the local law enforcement refuses to investigate.On their last day on the island they happen into a huge pile of harvested grass that has been set out to dry. Quickly they decide to set it on fire to pay the thugs back for shooting at them. The fire takes off and sends plumes of smoke into the sky. As they are running for their boat, they notice that the soaring birds are acting weird, spiraling out of control and crashing into the trees.The next day they read the headlines in the local paper:Pot Farm Burns - No Tern Left Unstoned.

How can you tell a male dinosaur from a female dinosaur?Ask it a question. If he answers, it's a male; if she answers, it's female.

After a venerable career of endless, stellar successes the greatest director who ever lived is in his prime and preparing for his most ambitious project ever when he unexpectedly dies and is called home to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the gate. "So sorry about your untimely death," he tells the director. "But God himself has called you home. You see, God wants you to direct a movie for Him." The great man is humbled, "God wants ME to direct a film?" "Yes," St. Peter tells him. "And we've arranged to have the best of everything made available to you. For example, the script is by William Shakespeare." The director is stunned, "An original screenplay by William Shakespeare?" "Yes," St. Peter assures him, "And it's his greatest work ever." "Wow!" says the Director, awe struck. "Your Production Designer will be Michaelangelo. We've got Leonardo Da Vinci d oing the sets, your musical score will be an original work by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and your cast includes a young Laurence Olivier and the greatest actors of all time in supporting roles." The Director can't believe it. "This is incredible," he says. "This will be the greatest movie ever?" St. Peter kind of shuffles his feet. "Well," he says, "we do have one tiny little problem." "Problem?" says the director. "What kind of a problem?" St. Peter puts his arm around the director's shoulder, "Ya see," he whispers, "God's got this girlfriend..."

Seems the Shah of Iran was visiting Disneyland with his young son. The son seemed to be having a good timebut had that look that something else was on his mind. The Shah asked, "What do you really want, Son?" TheSon said, "A Mickey Mouse Outfit." With that, the Shaw went out and bought him a uniform from theneighboring Fire Department.