What do you get if King Kong sits on your best friend? A flat mate.

Q: How many Geminis does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Two. Plus a portable phone, an Internet link and a copy of the "Bluffer's Guide to Changing Lightbulbs."

What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas ?Ince pies !

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a wantad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a verynervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself."I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "Butmainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me.""Excuse me?" the accountant said."I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back.""I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?""I'll start you at eighty thousand.""Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such asmall business afford a sum like that?""That," the owner said, "is your first worry."

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a small bucket.You do look a little pail.

Who is a bee's favourite painter ?Pablo Beecasso !

Knock KnockWho's there !Alvin !Alvin who !Alvin zis competition - just vait and see!

Christmas ka ba? - Kasi I wanna merry u!

Knock KnockWho's there !Clark !Clark who ?Clark your car in the garage !

Abraham wanted a new suit, so he bought a nice piece of cloth and then tried to locate a tailor. The first tailor he visited looked at the cloth and measured Abraham, then told him the cloth was not enough to make a suit.Abraham was unhappy with this opinion and sought another tailor. This tailor measured Abraham, then measured the cloth, and then smiled and said, "There is enough cloth to make a pair of trousers, a coat and a vest, please come back in a week to take your suit."After a week Abraham came to take his new suit, and saw the tailor's son wearing trousers made of the same cloth. Perplexed, he asked, "Just how could you make a full suit for me and trousers for your son, when the other tailor could not make a suit only?""It's very simple," replied the tailor, "The other tailor has two sons."