How do mountainers send messages?By ski-mail.

Pupil: In other schools, pupils get a choice of computers to use.Teacher: You get a choice her, too. Use the one we've got or don't use any at all.

What did the tooth say to the departing dentist?...Fill me in when you get back

Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?A. Trustworthy.

How does a vampire clean his house? With a victim cleaner.

Sam's girlfriend's birthday was the same day as his father's. He bought his girlfriend a bottle of perfume and his father a pistol. He wrapped the perfume and wrote a note to his girlfriend, saying, 'Use this all over yourself and think of me.' Unfortunately he put the note on his father's present.

Why didn't the monster use toothpaste? Because he said his teeth weren't loose.

Fred: I've added these figures ten times. Teacher: Good work! Fred: And here are my ten answers !

I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double.The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me.

How do whales type e-mails?With their fish fingers.