Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5-iron?"Caddy: "Eventually."

How was the hamburger murdered?First it was 'rolled,' then smothered in onions

You know all that talk about backseat driving? Well, I've been driving all my life and can safely say that I've never heard a word from the back seat. What kind of car do you drive? A hearse!

Did you hear about the burglar who fell in the cement mixer? Now he's a hardened criminal.

Did you hear about the witch who fed her pet vulture on sawdust?The vulture laid ten eggs and when they hatched, nine chicks had wooden legs and the tenth was a woodpecker.

Did you hear about the girl monster who wasn't pretty and wasn't ugly ?She was pretty ugly

Boy: What's black, slimy, with hairy legs and eyes on stalks? Mom: Eat the cookies and don't worry about what's in the tin.

Two friends: - I heard that you have founded a musical band.- Yes, it is a quartet.- How many are you?- We are three.- Three?- Me and my brother.- You have a brother?- No, why do you ask?

President Clinton, returning from a campaign stop in Arkansas, is climbing the steps to board Air Force One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip -- a live razorback. At the top of the jetway, he is met by the guard, a Marine sergeant, who issues a crisp salute."I'd salute you back, Sergeant," says the President, "but as you can see, I've got my hands full.""Yes, sir," replies the sergeant. "Very nice pigs, sir. Very nice pigs.""Why, these aren't pigs," the President responds. "These are RAZORBACKS!""Yes, sir -- razorbacks. Sorry, sir.""Yup," Clinton continues. "Got this one for Chelsea, and this one for Hillary."The sergeant replies: "Very good trade, sir -- very good trade."

There are three ways a man wears his hair - parted- unparted or departed