Waiter, waiter! What's this creepy crawly thing doing in my dinner?Oh, that one ? he comes here every night.

Knock KnockWho's there !Baby Owl !Baby Owl who ?Baby Owl see you later, maybe I won't !

How do you get a ghost to lie perfectly flat? You use a spirit level.

Q: What is the best thing that ever came out of Arkansas?A: Highway 55.

Two blondes rented a fishing boat, and were having a great day catching fish. The first blonde said "This is such a great spot, we need to mark it so we can come back." The second blonde proceeded to put a mark on the side of the boat. The first blonde asked "What are you doing?" The second blonde replied "Marking the spot." "Don't be stupid" the first blonde said. "What if we don't get the same boat next time?"

A cop pulled up two Irish drunks, and asked to the first, "What's your name and address?" "I'm Paddy O'Day, of no fixed address." The cop turned to the second drunk, and asked the same question. "I'm Seamus O'Toole, and I live in the flat above Paddy."

A couple just got married, and when the husband went back to his househe found that his bride had disappeared. He got very worried andgathered up all his friends to search for his wife with no success.Two days after his wife disappeared the man returned home to find herin the kitchen. He asked her what she has been up to and why she hasntbeen home for so long.She replied:"These four men kidnapped me and had wild sex with me for a week."The husband answered:"But it's only been two days what do u mean a week?""I am only here to get something to eat."

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!

Whats the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you.

Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?Pupil: That's not fair!You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!