Police Jokes And Funny Stories
Police Chief: Why did you ticket the computer?Officer: It was speeding along the information highway.
One evening this Columbia Yuppie was stopped for allegedly drunken driving and was given a breath test by the Howard County Police."Well ?" he asked somewhat belligerently as the Desk Sergeant slowly read the print out and entered the information in the arrest record."Disappointing to say the least," the Sergeant replied. "Chateau Duvalier... 1962... rather thin... not aged well at all."
Warning to shoplifters: Anyone caught shoplifting will be beaten, gagged, whipped and tortured. Any survivors will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
A police man was on duty one night and he headed up to "Make outMountain" to try to catch some couples in the act.When he got up there he stopped at the first car where a couple sat, and was surprised to see the man was reading and the girl next to himwas knitting.He tapped on the window and said he was with the police department then asked how old he was and the guy said, "I'm 22 sir." "Well how old is she?" the officer then asked.Looking at his watch the guy replied, "She'll be 18 in about 6minutes."
Two Rangers stopped a guy for speeding on the state highway in Waxahachie, Texas. As they were writing up the ticket, one Ranger turned to the other and said, "How do you spell Waxahachie?"The other one replied, "I don't know."So the first one said, "Well what are we gong to do? If we spell it wrong it will get dismissed."The second Ranger said, "Why don't we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Waco?"
I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?'He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a stupid idiot. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!Then I really got angry at him. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.
A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Morris gets out.The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park...and couldn't find his way home. " Oy Morris ", said grandma, " You've been going to that park for over 30 years ! So how could you get lost ? " Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear. Morris whispered, " I wasn't lost.....I was just too tired to walk home."
How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow-worm? He has a flashing light.
A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial -- it went like this:Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.Q: Officer, who provided this description?A: The officer who responded to the scene.Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?A: Yes sir, with my life.Q: With your life? Let me ask you this then officer, do you have a locker room in the police station, a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?A: Yes sir, we do.Q: And do you have a locker in that room?A: Yes sir, I do.Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?A: Yes sir.Q: Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow of ficers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those officers?A: You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes defense attorneys have been known to walk through that room.
Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks. "I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket." Amazed, the driver asked for what. The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."