Zoo Jokes And Funny Stories
I took my son to the zoo yesterday. Really, did they accept him?
Starting his new job at the zoo, the eager young zoo keeper asked the Head keeper what he should do for his first task. "Go and clean out the aquarium" he was told. Arriving at the aquarium, he discovered that all the fish were dead. He rushed back to the head keeper and asked what he should do. "Throw them to the lions" said the head keeper, "the lions will eat anything". So the young keeper returned to the aquarium, picked up all the dead fish and threw them into the lion's cage. That done, he returned and asked what he should do now. He was instructed to go and clean out the ape house. Off he went and started cleaning. He was shocked to discover dead chimpanzees in the cage, and rushed back for instructions. "Dont worry" said the head keeper, "just throw them to the lions, the lions will eat anything". So the young man returns to the ape house and throws the dead animals into the lions cage.Returning again for instructions, he is told to go along and help clean up the insect house. Busy cleaning out one off the exotic hives, he notices that all the bees have died. "I know what to do", he thinks to himself "I'll throw them all to the lions, as the lions will eat anything", whereupon he brushes them all up and throws them into the lion cage. The next day, the zoo obtains a new lioness. The lioness is walking around the new cage for the first time, and starts asking the other lions what things are like here. "Hows the accommodation?", she asks. "Fine" comes the reply from one lion. "And whats the food like?" she asks."Not bad" replies another, "yesterday, we had fish, chimps and mushy bees".
What did the zoo keeper say when he saw four elephants walking over the hill towards him wearing sunglasses?Nothing, he didn't recognize them!
Some vampires went to see Dracula. They said, "Drac, we want to open a zoo. Have you got any advice?" "Yes," replied Dracula, "have lots of giraffes."
A Scotsman paying his first visit to a zoo stopped by one of the cages"An' whut animal would that be ?" he asked the keeper."Thats a moose from Canada", came the reply."A moose !!", exclaimed the Scotsman. "Hoots, mon, if that's a moose then they must ha' rats the size of elephants over there !"
A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression. Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up ..." "Yes, son?" the father said expectantly. "What bus should I take home?" the boy finished.
Zoo visitor: What's the new baby hippo's name? Hippopotamus keeper: I don't know, he won't tell me.
The Crist family worked at a zoo. Each year they predicted the general luck and overall mood of the year by watching the the gnu. If the gnu's ears were forward, that meant a successful, joyous year was almost certain to happen. But if his ears were laid back flat against his head, it meant that an unlucky or very unhappy year was sure to come. One year it was young Mary's turn to "survey" the animal and come up with the prediction. It was her first time solo, and in her excitement, she forgot to take the key to the cage. She was late in coming to check on the gnu. Well, she saw the wrong ear position and predicted a bad year, when in fact it was quite good. To explain the error, the local newspaper ran the following headline a year later: MARY CRIST MISSES AN HAPPY GNU'S EAR!
Zoo Keeper:"I've lost one of my elephants"Other Zoo Keeper:"Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"Zoo Keeper:"Don't be silly, he can't read!"
Caller: Finally! I got through! I've been trying to call the zoo for hours! Zookeeper: Yes, all our lions were busy!