Various Animal Jokes And Funny Stories

Turtle to turtle: "Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"

What kind of whale flies?Pilot whales!

There are bats hanging of a branch upside down, all except one. Two bats comment: "What's happened to this one?- I don't know, two minutes ago he seemed normal and then he fainted.

A vampire bat came flapping in from a night of foraging, covered in fresh blood. He parked himself on the cave's roof to get some sleep. Soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to shut up and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. "OK, follow me." He flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. "Do you see that tree over there?" "YES, YES, YES!!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy. "Well I didn't!"

What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig ? A teddy boar !

What do you get if you cross a skunk and a cartoon penguin?Pingu-Pong!

What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours ? A hermit crab !

What do you get if you cross a skunk and a wasp?Something that stinks and stings!

What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?Elkaseltzer.

Two hikers are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them.They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first hiker gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on.The second hiker says, "What are you doing?"The first responds, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we'll have to jump down and make a run for it."The second says, "Are you crazy? Don't you know you can't outrun a bear?The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear... I only have to outrun you!"