Salesmen Jokes And Funny Stories
A traveling salesman was held up by a bad storm in the Hawaiian Islands. He sent an e-mail to his corporate headquarters advising them that he was stranded for a few days and requested instructions.The reply came back shortly: "Begin vacation as of yesterday."
A realty salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water."That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?""Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat."
An inexperienced real estate salesman asked his boss if he could refund the deposit to an angry customer who had discovered that the lot he had bought was under water."What kind of salesman are you?" the boss scolded. "Get out there and sell him a boat."
How can you tell when a salesperson is lying?His lips are moving.
What happened when the man asked the salesman for a good belt?"O.K., you asked for it," the salesman said as he gave him a good belt.
A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman manages to bull his way into a woman's home in a rural area."This machine is the best ever" he exclaims, whilst pouring a bag of dirt over the lounge floor.The woman says she's really worried it may not all come off, so the salesman says, "If this machine doesn't remove all the dust completely, I'll lick it off myself.""Do you want ketchup on it?" she says, "we're not connected for electricity yet!"
A salesman walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared."I will grant you three wishes," announced the genie. "But since Satan still hates me, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as well -- only double."The salesman thought about this for a while. "For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars," he announced.Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. "But your rival has just received $20,000,000," the genie said."I've always wanted a Ferrari," the salesman said.Instantly a Ferrari appeared. "But your rival has just received two Ferraris," the genie said. "And what is your last wish?""Well," said the salesman, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney for transplant."
Customer: You said these pants were pure wool, but the label says "all cotton."Salesman: Oh, that's just to keep the moths away.
Patient: Doctor, you have to help me stop talking to myself. Doctor: Why is that? Patient: I'm a salesman and I keep selling myself things I don't want.
How do salespeople traditionally greet each other?"Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you."