Restaurant Jokes And Funny Stories

At our local restaurant you can eat dirt cheap - but who wants to eat dirt?

Is your food spicy Sir ?No, smoke always comes out of my ears !

There was an awful fight at the seafood restaurant.Four fish got battered!

Jane's father decided to take all the family out to a restaurant for a meal. As he'd spent quite a lot of money for the meal he said to the waiter, "Could I have a bag to take the leftovers home for the dog?"

"Gosh!" exclaimed Jane, "Are we getting a dog?"

A man and his girlfriend were out to dinner one night. The waiter tells them the night's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish."The chicken sounds good; I'll have that," the woman says.The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks."Oh, he'll have the fish," she replies.

Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.

A out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here." "You'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the harried and now irritated waiter, "I can only serve one table at a time."

The headwaiter of an elegant restaurant recoiled in disgust as a man in boots, torn jeans and a leather jacket approached him. "Hey, man," he said, "where's the toilet?" "Go down the hall and turn left, "replied the headwaiter. "When you see the sign marked 'Gentlemen; pay no attention to it and go right on in."

"What flavors of ice cream do you have?" inquired the customer."Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate," answered the new waitress in a hoarse whisper.Trying to be sympathetic, the customer asked, "Do you have laryngitis?" "No...." replied the new waitress with some effort, "just...erm.... vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate."

How many cafeteria staff does it take to change a light bulb?"Sorry, we closed 18 seconds ago, and I've just cashed up."