Religious Jokes And Funny Stories
Q. What is the best way to get to Paradise?A. Turn right and go straight.
Examiner: I think you know very little, if anything at all, about the Bible. Can you quote any passage? Student: 'Judas departed and went and hanged himself.' Examiner: Well, that's a surprise. Can you quote another? Student: 'Go thou and do likewise.'
A priest and a nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down. They are unable to get it fixed, so they decide to spend the night in a hotel. The only hotel in the town has only one room available. Priest: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the lounge and you have the bed. Nun: I think that would be okay. They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room. Ten minutes later... Nun: Father, I'm terribly cold. Priest: Okay, I'll get you a blanket. (He does) Ten minutes later...Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold. Priest: Okay Sister, I'll get you another blanket. (He does) Ten minutes later... Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wif e just for this one night.Priest: You're probably right...get up and get your own blanket.
One afternoon a little boy was playing outdoors. He used his mother's broom as a horse and had a wonderful time until it was getting dark.He left the broom on the back porch. His mother was cleaning up the kitchen when she realized that her broom was missing. She asked the little boy about the broom and he told her where it was.She then asked him to please go get it. The little boy informed his mom that he was afraid of the dark and didn't want to go out to get the broom.His mother smiled and said 'The Lord is out there too, don't be afraid'. The little boy opened the back door a little and said 'Lord if you're out there, hand me the broom'.
Q: Why do they say 'Amen' at the end of a prayer instead of 'Awomen'? A: The same reason they sing Hymns instead of Hers!
Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?A. David. He rocked Goliath to sleep.
What's the moral of the story about Jonah and the whale ?You can't keep a good man down !
What is the meaning of life?All evidence to date suggests it's chocolate.
A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in in New York City.He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around."A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policemanchecks the crowd----no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind."A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again. Then out of thecrowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age."Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not evena Catholic. But for fifty years now I'm living behind St. Elizabeth'sCatholic Church on First Avenue, and every night I'm listeningto the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man."The policeman agreed and brought the octogenarian over to wherethe dying man lay. He kneels down, leans over the injured and saysin a solemn voice:"Under the B, 4. Under the I, 19. Under the N, 38.Under the G, 54. Under th e O, 72. . ."
A Christian man had just died and was on his way to heaven. When he got to the gates of heaven he met an angel. The angel asked him what God's name was. 'Oh that's easy,' the man replied, 'His name is Andy.' 'What make you think his name is Andy?' the angel asked incredulously. 'Well, you see at Church we used to sing this song 'Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me.'