Parent Jokes And Funny Stories

Father: I want to take my girl our of this terrible math class.Teacher: But she's top of the class.Father: That's why I think it must be a terrible class.

"Papa, who was Hamlet?" "You birdbrain! Bring me the Bible and I'll show you who he was."

Do you know what a mice said when it saw a bat?Mom ! I see an angel.

Pride is what you feel when your kids net $143 from a garage sale. Panic is what you feel when you realize your car is missing.

When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child.The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: "Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'" One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook???"

At dinner, Seth said to his father, "Dad, I got into trouble at school today and it's all your fault.""How's that?" asked the master of the house."Remember I asked you how much $500,000 was?""Yeah, I remember.""Well, 'a helluva lot' ain't the right answer."

A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her "no." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don't be upset. It won't be long." He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Ellen, don't cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then we'll be checking out." The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today. The mother patiently said, "Ellen, we'll be through this ch eck out stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and have a nice nap." The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Ellen..." The mother broke in, "My little girl's name is Tammy... I'm Ellen."

Why are parents boring?Because they're groan-ups.

"Honey," said Mrs. Beldon to her husband,"Lester's teacher says he ought to have an encyclopedia." "Encyclopedia, my eye!" exclaimed Beldon. "Let him walk to school like I did."

Father: Don't you think our son gets his brains from me? Mother: Probably, dear. I still have all of mine.