Parent Jokes And Funny Stories

Kids can sometimes ask the toughest questions.Son: Father, Can I ask you a question?Father: Ok ask.Son: When a doctor doctors a doctor, does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored or does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he wants to doctor.Father: !!!??????!!!

There was a woman who was pregnant with twins, and shortly before they were due, she had an accident and went into a coma. Her husband was away on business, and unable to be reached. While in the coma, she gave birth to her twins, and the only person around to name her children was her brother.When the mother came out of her coma to find she had given birth and that her brother had named the twins, she became very worried, because he wasn't a very bright guy. She was sure he had named them something absurd or stupid.When she saw her brother she asked him about the twins.He said, "The first one was a girl."The mother: "What did you name her?!?"Brother: "Denise!"The Mom: "Oh, wow, that's not bad! What about the second one?"Brother: "The second one was a boy."The Mom: "Oh, and what did you name him?"Brother: "Denephew."

NEWS ITEM. Kidnappers grabbed a little boy and two days later sent him home with a ransom note. His parents immediately sent the kid back with the money.

For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren. She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of the children.She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation on her grandchildren."Oh, I've done all the talking, and I'm so sorry. I know you certainly have something to say. Please, tell me... what do you think of my grandchildren?"

"Son, you sure do ask a lot of questions," said the father. "I'd like to know what would have happened if I'd asked as many questions when I was a boy." "Perhaps," said the boy, "you'd've been able to answer some of mine."

"Dad, do you believe in Buddha?" "Why, of course, but I think margarine is just as good."

Mrs. Ellis came home from work one evening to find her three-year-old son lighting up a cigar. She raced into the kitchen where her husband was making dinner. "Hey!" she announced. "This is terrible! I just caught Matthew lighting a cigar!" "You put a stop to that right now," he shouted. "That kid is altogether too young to be playing with matches!"

"What are you reading?" demanded the father of his seven-year-old. "A story about a cow jumping over the moon," was the reply. "Throw that book away at once," he commanded. "How many times have I told you you're too young to read science fiction?"

A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. "Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme'?" she asked. "Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children." "Is that a record?" she inquired. "I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get."

A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby.The child did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby."Hit him again," the 5-year-old said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"