Music Jokes And Funny Stories

Q: What do lead trumpet players use for birth control?A: Their personality.

Q: What do you call the folks who hang around the musicians at conservatories?A: Violists.

Q: Mom, why do you always stand by the window when I practice for my singing lessons?A: I don't want the neighbours to think I'm employing corporal punishment, dear.

Q: How do you protect a valuable instrument?A: Hide it in an accordion case.

"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant."You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter.""Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"

Q: If you were out in the woods, who would you trust for directions, an in-tune tenor sax player, an out-of-tune tenor sax player, or Santa Claus?A: The out-of-tune sax player! You were hallucinating the other two.

Q: How can you tell someone is a true music lover?A: When they even put their ear up to the bathroom keyhole.

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None. They have a machine that does that now.

A musician calls the orchestra office, asks for the conductor, and is told that he is dead.The musician calls back 25 times more and gets the same message from receptionist.She asks why he keeps calling. He replies, "I just like to hear you say it."

Person 1: It must be terrible for an opera singer to realize that he can never sing again.Person 2: Yes, but it's much more terrible if he doesn't realize it.