Military Jokes And Funny Stories
Q: "What has an IQ of 42?" A: "40 Marines plus their lieutenant"
A patrol of allied soldiers were in a ruined city during World War Two. They are bragging and joshing about how many kills they have so far to keep up courage on their route through the rubbled buildings. Sergeant Joe thumps his chest and proclaims. "I got me 4 germans bagged so far. Howabout you John?"Before Pfc John can reply, a lone german soldier runs out of a trashed hotel. In the process of throwing down his rifle after seeing the larger allied soldier group, he shouts "NEIN!"Pfc John takes aim at the enemy and shoots him. "Well, he wont get himself a tenth allied soldier." Joe all year long!
- How many Iraqis does it take to launch a Scud missile?- Two. One to launch it, one to watch CNN to find out where it landed.
During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys "Yours is."
An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland. They were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank.The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out.When the commander berated the Airman for his slowness and promised punishment, the Airman responded: "Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, I'm stationed in Greenland, and I am pumping sewage out of airplanes. Just what are you going to do to punish me?"
Recruits were shocked at the language the sergeant used in their unit. During a smoke break one young soldier asked: "Sergeant, where did you le-arn your language?""Learnit, hell, it's a gift," proudly informed the NCO.
Q: How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb ?A: 50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
Q: "How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a light bulb?" A: "We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time."
Q: how many vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?A: YOU DON'T KNOW! YOU WEREN'T THERE, MAN!!! YOU'LL NEVER KNOW!!!!!
Paddy 'n' Mick join the army, and are put on street patrol in a city with a military curfew. They are given instructions to shoot anybody who's on the streets after 6 o'clock. So one day, they're out at twenty to 6, when Paddy spots a man walking on the other side of the street. He lines up the man in his sights and shoots the man dead. Mick is shocked. "What are you doin', Paddy? It ain't 6 yet!" "I know what I'm doin'. I know where he lives and he wouldn't have made it!"