Mental Health Jokes And Funny Stories

Patient: Doctor, my wife thinks I'm crazy because I like sausages. Psychiatrist: Nonsense! I like sausages too.Patient: Good, you should come and see my collection. I've got hundreds of them.

Patient: Why did you charge me a group rate?Psychiatrist: You've got multiple personalities.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? "How long have you been having this phantasy?"

How many Borderline P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb?Just one. To threaten suicide if you don't change it for him/her.

How many Passive Aggressive P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb?Oops.I can't believe I broke the last one. I guess you'll have to sit in the dark.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? One, but he must consult the DSM-IV.

Doctor, doctor, I feel so short!No problem. Hop up on the couch.

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office."Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck.""Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry."

Why did the witch go to the psychiatrist? Because she thought everybody loved her.

Psychiatrist: Well, what's your problem? Patient: I prefer brown shoes to black shoes.Psychiatrist: There's nothing wrong with that. Lots of people prefer brown shoes to black shoes. I do myself.Patient: Really? How do your like yours - fried or boiled?