Mental Health Jokes And Funny Stories
A psychologist is at a party talking with a small group of people, when a man comes up behind him and taps him on the shoulder. The psychologist turns around and the man hauls off and decks him. The psychologist gets up, brushes himself off, turns to the group and declares: "That's his problem."
Doctor, doctor, No one believes a word I say.Tell me the truth now, what's your REAL problem?
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a light bulb?"How many do you think it takes?"
Three patients at a psychiatric clinic are up for release. The shrink informs them that they will have to pass a simple test. Asking the first patient: Q. How much is two plus two? A: Blue. At which the kind doctor calls in the orderly to escort the patient back to his room. Turning to the second patient, he asks what is six minus three? To which the patient replies: Square. Once again the orderly is called in to remove the patient. Turning to the third and last patient, he asks, "How much is five plus five?" The patient answers very confidentally: Ten. The doctor, amazed then inquires how did you figure it out? The patient: "Easy.Blue multiplied by square equals ten."
Patient: Doctor, my wife thinks I'm crazy because I like sausages. Psychiatrist: Nonsense! I like sausages too.Patient: Good, you should come and see my collection. I've got hundreds of them.
Doctor, doctor, I feel like a small bucket.You do look a little pail.
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?None. The light bulb will change itself when it's ready.
Why is a psychiatrist like a squirrel?Because they are both surrounded by nuts.
Why did the witch go to the psychiatrist? Because she thought everybody loved her.