Mental Health Jokes And Funny Stories
Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self- pitying.She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me ... the whole world hates me!"Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, Mary. Some people don't even know you."
One out of every four people is suffering from some form of mental illness. Check three friends. If they're OK, then it's you.
What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician?A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!
Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
Doctor, doctor, I feel so short!No problem. Hop up on the couch.
Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good night's sleep. Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try something different.A few weeks later, Joe's former psychoanalyst meets his old client in the supermarket, and is surprised to find him looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful. "Doc!" Joe says, "It's amazing! I'm cured!""That's great news!" the psychoanalyst says. "you seem to be doing much better. How?""I went to see another doctor," Joe says enthusiastically, "and he cured me in just ONE session!""One?!" the psychoanalyst asks incredulously."Yeah," continues Joe, "my new doctor is a behaviorist.""A behaviorist?" the psychoanalyst asks. "How did he cure you in one session?""Oh, easy," says Joe. "He told me to cut the legs off of my bed."
When they arrived at the therapist's office, the therapist jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be the problem?" Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles and hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage. After 5 - - 10 - - 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the therapist went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there - speechless. He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The therapist spoke to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!" The husband scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
How many Passive Aggressive P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb?Oops.I can't believe I broke the last one. I guess you'll have to sit in the dark.
Doctor, doctor, I've only got 59 seconds to live.Wait a minute please.
Doctor, doctor, I'm manic-depressive.Calm down. Cheer up. Clam down. Cheer up. Calm