Marriage Jokes And Funny Stories
Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!
The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, brightas a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the conceptof marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she said, "is that when mommy came to work for us?"
A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several yearsbefore the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walkedabout 10 feet behind their husbands.She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walkedseveral yards behind their wives.She approached one of the women for an explanation. "This ismarvelous," said the journalist. "What enabled women here to achievethis reversal of roles?"Replied the Kuwaiti woman: "Land mines"
A friend of mine told me he had signed up with one of these on-linedating services. I asked him the other day if he had had any luck andhe said he'd quit -- seems they'd matched him up with his wife.
Two men are having an awfully slow round ofgolf because the two ladies in front of themmanaged to get into every sand trap, lake, andrough on the course, and they didn't bother towave the men on through, which is proper golfetiquette.After two hours of waiting and waiting, one mansaid, "I think I'll walk up there and ask thosegals to let us play through." He walked out tothe fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped,turned around and came back, explaining, "I can'tdo it. One of those women is my wife and the otheris my mistress. Maybe you'd better go talk to them."The second man walked toward the ladies, go halfwaythere and, just as his partner had done, stopped,turned around and walked back.He smiled sheepishly and said, "Small World!"
A young lady came home and told her Mother that her boyfriendhad proposed but she had turned him down because she foundout he was an atheist, and didn't believe in Heaven or Hell."Marry him anyway, dear." the Mother said. "Between the twoof us, we'll show him just how *wrong* he is."
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can removea "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years.The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me theexact words that were used to put the curse on you."The old man says without hesitation"I now pronounce you man and wife".
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!" As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed. He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?" The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!"
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
"Oh love, what did you ever do to deserve a wife like me?"she said looking lovingly into her husbands eyes."I don't know, but I promise I'll never do it again."