Judge Jokes And Funny Stories

Before a burglary trial, the judge explained to the defendant, "You can let me try your case, or you can choose to have a jury of your peers."The man thought for a moment. "What are peers?" he asked."They're people just like you your equals.""Forget it," retorted the defendant. "I don't want to be tried by a bunch of thieves."

The judge said to his dentist: "Pull my tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth."

At night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge.The judge said, "State your name, occupation, and the charge."The defendant said, "I'm Sparks, I'm an electrician, charged with battery."The judge winced and said, "Bailiff! Put this man in a dry cell!"

The Judge admonished the witness, "Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?""I do.""Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?""Sure," said the witness. "My side will win."

Judge: What is your relationship with the plaintiff?A: She is my daughter.Judge: Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?

Judge: You stated that the stairs went down to the basement, is that correct?A: Yes.Judge: And these same stairs, did the also go up?

Mr. Schneider stood up in court. "As God is my judge, I do not owe myex-wife any money."Glaring down at him, the judge replied, "He's not. I am. You do."

The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one, "So how do you plead?""Not guilty" said the second defendant."I wasn't talking to you" the judge replied."I never said a word" the third defendant replied.

What did the judge say when a skunk entered the courtroom?Answer: Odor, Odor in the court!!!

When is an English teacher like a judge? When she hands out long sentences.