Journalist Jokes And Funny Stories
Q: How many editors does it take to change a lightbulb?A: It was supposed to be in place last week!
When a visitor to a small town in Georgia came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands.A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, "Valiant Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal."The hero told the journalist that he wasn't from that town."Well, then," the reporter said, "the headline will probably say, 'Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog'.""Actually," the man said, "I'm from Connecticut.""In that case," the reporter said in a huff, "the headline should read, 'Yankee Kills Family Pet'."
Three men: an editor, a photographer, and a journalist are covering a political convention in Miami. They decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish."The photographer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.The journalist went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.Last, but not least, it was the editor's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie."I want the m both back after lunch" replied the editor, "the deadline for tomorrow's newspaper is in about ten hours.
Why did the nutty kid throw butter out of the window? He wanted to see a butterfly.
An honest weatherman says, "Today's forecast is bright and sunny with an 80% chance that I'm wrong."
A shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively. "Would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a journalist and I've got an assignment to study how people respond to embarrassing situations."To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"
What do you get if you cross a sports reporter with a vegetable ?A common tater !
A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man. She asks: "You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that and what are you praying for?"The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth."The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she asks.The old man looks at her sadly. "Like I'm talking to a wall."
Q: How many journalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Three. One to report it as an inspired government program to bring light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government plot to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a pulitzer prize for reporting that Electric Company hired a lightbulb assassin to break the bulb in the first place.
Who do you think was sent to cover the story of the baby lion born in the zoo? A cub reporter.