Hunting Jokes And Funny Stories
A couple of hunters from Prague are out hunting, and an emormous bear runs up and in a single gulp devours one of the hunters. Miraculously, the swallowed hunter remained alive, trapped in the belly of the grizzly.The other hunter runs back to town and organizes a rescue party which heads back to the woods armed with torches, guns, spears, etc.Soon they spot two bears on the horizon and everybody starts shooting at the bear that's closest to them."No, not that one," shouts the surviving hunter, "That's the female.""The Czech is in the male."
Commissioned by a zoo to bring them some baboons, the big game hunter devised a novel scheme to trap them - his only requirements being a sack, a gun, and a particularly vicious and bad tempered dog. Once in the jungle he explained to his assistant, "I'll climb this tree and shake the branches; if there are any baboons up there, they will fall to the ground - and the dogs will bite their tail and immobilise them so that you can pick them up quite safely and put them in the sack." "But what do I need the gun for?" asked the assisant. "If I should fall out of the tree by mistake, shoot the dog."
What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter?"Quack! Quack! Quack!"
Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another!"
What is the best way to hunt bear? With your clothes off
A Cowboy was going deer hunting.. His blonde wife said she was going with him.. That they never did anything together.. So, they went.. He put her in a stand by herself.. Later in the morning he heard her shoot.. He went over to her stand and she was pointing her rifle at a guy with a cowboy hat on.. The guy was telling her, Ma'mm, you can have the deer you shot.. I just want to take my saddle off of him!
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. Ibn the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "when did you bag him?" The host said, "that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife." "What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter. "My wife."
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked \r \nhis friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?" "I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."
Dick and Bob were on a hunting trip. At nightfall, Dick complained, 'We've been hunting all day. We've shot at five deer - and not hit one!''OK. Let's miss two more and then head back to camp,' said Bob.
A big-game hunter came across a dinosaur in the middle of the jungle and stared at it surprise."You're extinct," he said. The dinosaur was hard of hearing."What was that you said?" The hunter shouted at the top of his voice."You are extinct." The dinosaur looked a little nonplused. "So would you if you'd been dead for six milion years."