Humor Jokes And Funny Stories

Q: What did the hat say to the necktie? A: You go AHEAD I'll HANG AROUND!

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What's a cow's favourite love song?When I fall in love, it will be for heifer.

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How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?Four. One to hold the bulb, and three to try and remember the combination.the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?""Chocolate, please," replied the youngster.

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A magician was employed by a Shipping Line to entertain the passengers during cruises. The captain owned a parrot which always insisted on being part of the acts put on by the magician. He would perch on the edge of the stage and screech, "He does it with a mirror" or "He's got it up his sleeve." The magician was furious, but since the bird was a favorite with the captain and he was anxious to retain his position for future cruises, he maintained an angry silence.One evening as the magician worked, the parrot continued to harass the unfortunate man. Sadly the ship ran into a mine which had become detached from the sea floor after a storm. The explosion tore the bow off the ship which sank within a few minutes. Amid the wreckage and the lifeboats, the magician sat on one end of a table from the first class dining room. At the other end sat the parrot, dirty and disheveled, his feathers caked with f uel oil. For some time they eyed each other malevolently saying nothing. Finally the parrot shook himself and advanced across the table. He fixed the magician with a beady eye. "Okay, I give up," he squawked. "What did you do with the ship?"

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Steve wrote home. 'I'm glad you named me Steve,' he said in the letter.'Why?' asked his mother in her reply.'Because that's what all the kids at camp call me,' he wrote back.

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Last night I dreamt I ate a giant marshmallow. When I woke up my pillow was gone !

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Mad men are given a test to prove they are getting normal their teacher draws a door on the wall and orders them to go out. They tart fighting but one remains sitting and the teacher goes to him and asks why he didn't join others and he says "let them fight they forgot I have the keys"

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Q. Why did the belt go to jail?A. Because he held up a pair of pants!

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Did you hear the one about the phoney Cupid? He was totally bow-gus!

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What runs all day but never gets tired? Water.

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