Humor Jokes And Funny Stories

How many cashiers does it take to change a light bulb?"Are you kidding? They won't even change a five dollar bill."

Did you hear about the man in the electric chair who asked the executioner to reverse the charges ?

Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see? "Well, I see thousands of stars." "And what does that mean to you?" "Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?" "To me, it means someone has stolen our tent."

This morning I felt that today was going to be my lucky day. I got up at seven, had seven dollars in my pocket, there were seven of us at lunch and there were seven horses in the seven o'clock race - so I backed the seventh. Did it win?No, it came seventh.

What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head ?Sister Matic !

A man walks into a palm reader store and asks the reader, "Could you read my palm?" He shows his hand to her, and she says, "But...I can't read your hand.""Why?" the man asks."I don't understand your handwriting," the woman replies.

Mother-in-law: I baked two kinds of cookies today. Would you like to takeyour pick?Son-in-law: No thanks. I'll just use the hammer.

What is the difference between a English actuary and a Sicilian actuary?An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year. A Sicilian actuary can give you their names...

Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a cosmos of nothingness.

Camper: There's a leak over my bunk!Counselor: That's what we said in the camp ads. Running water in every cabin!