Food Jokes And Funny Stories

Mom: Fred, there were two chocolate cakes in the larder yesterday, and now there's only one. Why? Fred: I don't know. It must have been so dark I didn't see the other one.

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At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and everything.When he was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his fork, held it up and smirked: 'Is this pig?'Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: 'Which end of the fork are you referring to?'

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How can you tell the difference between a can of chicken soup and a can of tomato soup? Read the label.

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My brother's on a seafood diet. Really? Yes, the more he sees food the more he eats.

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An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. "Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area.""Heck, Gloria," the old man hissed when Saint Peter walked off, "we could have been here ten years ago if you hadn't heard about all that stupid oat bran, wheat germ, and low-fat diets!"

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Why are fried onions like a photocopy machine? They keep repeating themselves.

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On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes. She blew her stack.

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Say something soft and sweet to me. Dracula: Marshmallows, chocolate fudge cake...

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Overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.

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A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest."Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."

credit: https://www.fortypoundhead.com/
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