Farmer Jokes And Funny Stories
Q: Why did the farmer call his pig "Ink"?A: Because it was always running out of the pen.
An old farmer is driving down a country road in his pickup truck whenit starts making an awful noise. He stops the truck and crawlsunderneath to investigate the problem."Hmmm...muffler's loose. I bet I could fix that if I had a MonkeyWrench." He says.He crawls out from underneath the truck and looks down the road. Offin the distance he sees a small house. There is a black woman andseveral small black children playing in the yard.The Farmer yells to her "Hey Miss, do you happen to have MonkeyWrench?""What?" She yells back."A Monkey Wrench!!?" He screams."What?""MONKEY WRENCH!!?...MONKEY WRENCH!!?""Naw, this ain't no Monkey Ranch, its a Day Care Center!"
How did the aliens hurt the farmer? They trod on his corn.
A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town. To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given. He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. "Who's the boss around here?" he asked. "I am." said the man. "I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said, "which one would you like?" The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one." "No, no, no, get the brown one." the man's wife said. "Here's your chicken." said the farmer.
This farmer has 500 hens but no rooster so he goes to his neighbor and asks him if he could buy a rooster for $100. The neighbor says, "You can have this rooster. His name's Roy. He'll get all your hens pregnant. He's a real stud." So the farmer takes him home and says, "It's your first day so take it slow, okay?" The farmer puts Roy in the hen house and then hears all the hens crying and yelling. Roy nailed every one of those hens and then nailed a duck and a goose at a pond. The next morning the farmer finds Roy lying dead with his legs sticking in the air and buzzards circling overhead. The farmer says, "Roy, did you have to die?" Roy says, "Quiet! They're about to land!"
An agriculture student said to a farmer: "Your methods are too old fashioned. I won't be surprised if this tree will give you less than twenty pounds of apples.""I won't be surprised either," said the farmer, "this is an orange tree".
Seems a guy was driving for hours thu desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and*splat*... he flattened the cat. Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants. When the housewife came to the door, said he, "Pardon memadame, but I just ran over a cat in front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I know this might be hard to hear, but Iwanted to let you know instead of just driving off...." "Not so fast", says she. "How do you know it was our cat? Could youdescribe him? What does he look like?" The man promptly flopped down on the ground, and said "He looks like thts"as he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression. "Oh no, you *horrible* man", she replied. "I meant, what did he look like*before* you hit him?" At that, the man got up , covered his eyes with both hands and screamed"Agggghhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!"
What did the farmer say when all his cows charged him at once ?I'm on the horns of a dilemma here !
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Buddy didn't move.Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull." Buddy didn't respond.Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Jennie, pull." Nothing.Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull." And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"
How does the pig farmer get to the fair? He rides piggyback.