Dirty Jokes And Funny Stories
Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?A: 6 inches is medium, 8 inches is rare.
A five year old boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porchtogether, when grandpa pulls a beer out of a cooler. the little boy asked,"Grandpa, can I have a beer?" Grandpa replied, "Can your dick touch yourass?"The little boy answered no.Grandpa said "Then you're not man enough to have a beer."A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar. The little boy asked, "Grandpa,can I have a cigar?" Once again, Grandpa asked, "Can your dick touch yourass?" The little boy answered no, again. Grandpa said, "Then your not manenough to have a cigar." A little later, the little boy came out of thehouse With a cookie.Grandpa asked, "Can I have a cookie?"The boy asked "Can your dick touch your ass?"Grandpa replied, "Hell yeah my dick can touch my ass!" The boy replied,"Then go fuck yourself, Grandma made these cookies for me."
Q: Did you hear about the new blonde paint? A: It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy.
Are birth control pills deductible?Only if they don't work.
A young woman goes to her doctor complaining that the insides of her upper thighs have turned green.The doctor examined her and asked her if by any chance she went out with a Romany.When she said yes the doctor said"Well tell him his ear rings aren't real gold!!!"
What are the two greatest lies?"The check is in the mail," and "I promise I won't cum in your mouth."
Q: What's the ultimate embarrassment for a blonde? A: When her ben-wa balls set off the airport metal detector.
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minuteslater, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutesafter that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all thescreaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!" "I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush,somethingcomes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls." With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says... "You idiot!" "You're sitting on the mop bucket!
Q. What does a woman's asshole do when she is having an orgasm?A. He is usually home with the kids!
A guy walked into the doctor's surgery for an appointment. "Would you like to tell me your problem?" the pretty blonde receptionist asked. "I'll need the information for the doctor." "It's rather embarrassing" the guy stammered. "You see, I have a very large and almost constant erection." "Well, the doctor is very busy today" the receptionist cooed, "but maybe I can squeeze you in."