Computer Jokes And Funny Stories
A doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world. The doctor remarked "Well, in the Bible it says that God created Eve from a rib taken from Adam. This clearly required surgery so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."The civil engineer interrupted and said "But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong; mine is the oldest profession in the world." The computer scientist leaned back in his chair, smiled, and said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?
Q: What's the best way to accelerate a Mac?A: 9.81 m/s2
What is a computer virus?A terminal illness.
Press <F1> or <F2>. Take a pick.
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?"I know," said the Branch Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way.""No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time a t all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way.""Well," said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."
How many Java programmers does it take to change a light bulb?One, to generate a "ChangeLightBulb" event to the socket.
What did one mouse say to the other mouse?I get a click out of you.
A customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes to the technician. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of her diskettes.
Pupil: In other schools, pupils get a choice of computers to use.Teacher: You get a choice her, too. Use the one we've got or don't use any at all.
Many people in computer labs will assure you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they were doing everything correctly, and it still wasn't working, only to make you get up from your nice comfy seat to walk over to the other side of the room and do it yourself. Invariably, after it works the first time for you, the response is, "THAT'S WHAT I TYPED THE FIRST TIME!" Obviously not.