Computer Jokes And Funny Stories

What's the difference between Windows 95 and a virus? A virus does something.

Q. How does Bill Gates enter his house?A. He uses "windows".

Q: What does a proud computer call his little son?A: A microchip off the old block.

Tech Support: "Which format are the images you send?" Customer: "Rectangular, 15x11 centimeters."

Q: How does Bill Gates screw in a lightbulb? A: He doesn't. He declares darkness the industry standard.

Me: "What is that noise?" Customer: "Hey Martinez!! I'm on the phone! Cut it out!" Me: "What was that?" Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Customer: "It's from a device." Me: "What kind of device?" Customer: "I don't know." Me: "Like a fax machine or something?" Customer: "I don't know. Someone is under house arrest or something."

..... Ya see, we at Microsoft believe in making computing easier! What could be easier for consumers than having only ONE choice of software?!?

A doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world. The doctor remarked "Well, in the Bible it says that God created Eve from a rib taken from Adam. This clearly required surgery so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."The civil engineer interrupted and said "But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong; mine is the oldest profession in the world." The computer scientist leaned back in his chair, smiled, and said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?

My computer made a funny sound the other day.Of course, I've never heard it get thrown out a window before.

A caller, perplexed that his new desktop computer--the one that was supposed to do everything short of bringing on world peace - was doing nothing, cried out for help. No problem, the IBM technician said. First, open a "window" to launch a specific program. The conversation continued, and the caller asked a few moments later if it might be all right to close the window. Why, the IBM technician asked. Because, the caller responded, it was getting very chilly.