Blonde Jokes And Funny Stories
A man was trimming his bushes. His neighbor (the blonde) walks out, checks her mail only to see that it's empty, and goes back inside.Five minutes later, she comes back out, checks her mail again only to see that it's still empty, and goes back in.The third time she comes out, the man asks her, "Excuse me, is there a problem?"The blonde replies, "Darn right there's a problem! My computer keeps on telling me 'I've got mail'!"
Q. Why did the blonde get so excited when she finished the jigsaw puzzle after only 6 months?A. Because on the box it said: From 2-4 years.
Why did the blonde call the welfare office?She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special -- $99!". She goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, "I'd like the $99 cruise special, please." The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating. A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river. Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, "Do they serve refreshments on this cruise? The second blonde replies, " They didn't last year."
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
One day a blond went out to check her mail box. There was nothing in it. Her neighbor who was also out there gives her a weird look.An hour later she goes back out to her mailbox and goes back in cause there was nothing in it and her neighbor goes "What the hell is she doing?"An hour later she goes back out side and looks in the mailbox and there is nothing in it. Finally the neighbor gets curious enough to ask her what she is doing. The blone says, "My stupid computer keeps saying you've got mail."
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?A: Her ankles.
Q: What did the blonde say about blonde jokes?A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.
One day 2 blondes decided to drive to Disney Land. When they saw a sign that said 'Disney Land left' they turned around and went home.
Q: Why did it take the blonde a whole week to wash three basement windows?A: It took her six days just to dig the holes to put the ladder in.