Baby Jokes And Funny Stories

Little Johnny 's next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny's parents were very afraid that their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby so the dad had a long talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors. He said "Now, son... that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears or I am really going to spank you when we get back home." "I promise not to mention his ears at all" said Little Johnny. At the neighbors home, Little Johnny leaned over in the crib and touched the baby's hand He looked at it's mother and said "Oh What a Beautiful little baby". The mother said "Thank you very much, Little Johnny." He then said, "this baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why... just look at his pretty little eyes.... Did his doctor say that he can see good?" The Mother said "why, yes Johnny... his doctor said he has 20/20 vision. Little Johnny said "well, its a darn good thing, cause he sure couldn't wear glasses!!!

What is a baby: A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other.

I got a letter from my sister. She just had a baby. But she didn't say whether it's a boy or girl. So I don't know if I'm an uncle or an aunt.

What did Baby Corn say to Mother Corn? Where's Pop Corn?

Knock knock. Who's there? Underwear. Underwear who? Underwear my baby is tonight?

Mum, is it true my baby sister came from Heaven? Yes, that's right. Well, I don't blame God for chucking her out.

What was the policeman's baby's first words ?Hallo, Hallo, Hallo !

What do you get if you cross a baby with soldiers ?Infantry !

Why did the vampire baby stop having baby food? He wanted something to get his teeth into.

Q: Where does a white baby go when it dies? A: Heaven Q: What does it get? A: Wings Q: What does it become? A: An angel Q: Where does a black baby go when it dies? A: Heaven Q: What does it get? A: Wings Q: What does it become? A: A Bat!