Accountant Jokes And Funny Stories

Why do accountants make good lovers? They're great with figures.

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What does FCPA stand for?Finally Caught Pinching the Assets

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Accountant after reading nursery rhymes to his young child:"No, son. When Little Bo Peep lost her sheep that wouldn't be tax deductible, but I like your thinking".

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A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job advertised in the Sydney Morning Herald. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch."I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me.""How do you mean?" says the accountant."I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters.""OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?""You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner."Seventy-five thousand dollars. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?""That," says the man, "is your first worry."

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Conversation between two accountants at a cocktail party:".......and ninthly..."

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What's the definition of an accountant?Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

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What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room?Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.

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What does an accountant use for birth control?His personality.

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When does a person decide to become an accountant?When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

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A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, "I'm a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy. We're here to destroy your civilisation, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?" The owner replies, "I don't have an opinion. I'm a chartered accountant."

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