Accountant Jokes And Funny Stories
There are three kinds of accountants in the world.Those who can count and those who can't.
When do accountants laugh out loud?When somebody asks for a raise
What's the definition of a good tax accountant?Someone who has a loophole named after him.
The accountant had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?"
A patient was at her doctor's office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, "I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live."The patient asked, "Oh doctor, what should I do?" The doctor replied, "Marry an accountant." "Will that make me live longer?" asked the patient. "No," said the doctor, "but it will SEEM longer."
What does an accountant say when you ask him the time?It's 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait - 13 seconds, no wait - 14 seconds, no wait......
What's an extroverted accountant?One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.
Laws of Accounting1. Trial balances don't2. Bank reconciliations never do3. Working Capital does not4. Return on Investments never will
A business man was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two?"The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "Twenty-two."The second was a social worker. She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm glad we had time to discuss this important question."The third applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001.The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v Commr of Stamp Duties (Qld), two and two was proven to be four.The last applicant was an accountant. The business man asked him, "How much is two and two?"The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door and closed it then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?"He got the job.
A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: "Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary."When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: "Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my eighteen year old toy boy. Because you are an accountant, you will surely appreciate that l8 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18."