Accountant Jokes And Funny Stories

What's an actuary?An accountant without the sense of humour.

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night.""Have you tried counting sheep?""That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night.""Have you tried counting sheep?""That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

Q: How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb? A: What sort of answer did you have in mind ?A: None-just assume it's changed.

What's the definition of a good tax accountant?Someone who has a loophole named after him.

When does a person decide to become an accountant?When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

The accountant's prayer: Lord, help me be more relaxed about insignificant details, starting tomorrow at 10.53:16 am, Eastern Daylight Saving Time.

What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?Go into town and gang-audit someone.

What does FCPA stand for?Finally Caught Pinching the Assets

The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, applied for his first job. The prospective employer asked him what starting salary he was looking for."Oh, around $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.""Well, how does this sound? Five weeks annual leave, 22.5% superannuation, paid expenses to overseas conferences every year, home telephone reimbursed and a company car replaced every 20,000 kilometres, say a Mercedes convertible."The graduate sat up straight and tried not to look excited. "Wow. Are you kidding?""Yeah. But you started it."